Taking responsibility for your actions’ – something most of us heard at one time or another from our parents. Whether we were avoiding our homework, skipping class or fabricating some story about where we were, the lesson to learn was always, take responsibility for our actions. What our parents did not say was – take responsibility for your emotions – and that is where the real communication growth is.
In this Candid Conversation, Ovation Communication experts Shona Welsh and Jan Bailey (OvationSpeakerTraining.com) and counselling therapist Kimberly Schaschl discuss the human tendency to point fingers of blame when they are feeling unsettled, insecure or overwhelmed. Here is where it gets challenging and exciting. Taking responsibility for your emotions – the good ones, the bad ones and the scary ones is a game changer when it comes to communicating with anyone. The next question, and yes, we talk about it, is how.
Me Myself and I | But it's your fault...
The answer is “I” messages
When you are consistently able to stop pointing your finger and blaming others for ‘making you feel’ a certain way and you own your feelings, your ability to effectively communicate, especially with your significant other, skyrockets. In writing it sounds rather simple, in the heat of the moment it is a challenge to change a habit many of us have had for a long time. Sometimes all it takes to turn an emotional conflict into a relationship building conversation is a change in ownership. When ‘You make me so mad’ morphs into ‘I’m feeling angry’, what follows with a little practice, is the ability to recognize how you are feeling and to know that your partner cannot make you feel anything – you get to choose your emotions.
You’re right, it isn’t straightforward and it isn’t always easy. In this video, Jan gives it a try … with limited success; we challenge you to do it better.
Sandbox has partnered with Ovation to present a series of videos which offer thought provoking conversation, a little laughter and some concrete tools to help you shift your perspective about how and why you communicate the way you do. In a time when physical distancing is a reality, it is more important than ever to feel as though you are able to clearly express your thoughts, fears and hopes. We all know that with face to face communication it is easy to be misunderstood – in times of heightened personal and professional strain and only virtual communication to keep many of us connected, occasional miscommunication is almost a given. Take this opportunity to join Ovation and their special guest, counselling therapist Kimberly Schaschl as they unravel some of the mysteries of effective communication.
About the contributorS:
In their highly interactive workshops, OVATION speaker trainers have helped countless individuals transform their ability to connect to their audience and deliver authentic and meaningful messages with impact. Now, more than ever, communication with some oomph is an essential skill. At a time when our emotions swing from overwhelmed to irrational, our ability to communicate effectively follows suit and it can be hard to remove the anger, frustration or even fear from our voice, let alone from our message … and that can have all manner of consequences.
Shona Welsh, BA, MCEd, CHRL, CCC is a communication and speaking expert who has won numerous speaking, writing and learning design awards. The author of several books and designer/facilitator of hundreds of international workshops in speaking and communications, she has held international senior executive positions over three decades. She teaches extensively about leadership, communications, and innovation with numerous universities and colleges.
Jan Bailey BA, MAEd is a communication and speaking expert who has designed and delivered hundreds of workshops internationally on public speaking, stage presence, on-camera presentations, and communication. Along with writing and producing a ten-part career development series of books, Jan’s 27-year career has involved extensive on-camera experience as a television host along with being a long-time professor of communications.
Kimberly Schaschl BA BEd M.Ed Psych is a counselling therapist who has worked in the field of mental health and education for over 30 years. She has a wealth of experience assisting clients from school age to adulthood on a wide range of mental health and life management issues. She is a registered member of the College of Licensed Counselling Therapists of New Brunswick.